A Lover's Rendezvous
It’s been quite some time, hasn’t it? It’s been about six months and all I can say is I am sorry, an infinite amount of times. Since my last post on The Crystal Avenue, life definitely took me for a spin. From my roles and responsibilities at work to the mini adventures with my family and friends, I was enjoying life away from the blogosphere. If you also are keeping up with me via instagram or snapchat, you may have seen that I finally travelled abroad and went to Japan and Korea. Like I mentioned in my instagram captions, there is still so much more I want to explore and cross off my bucket list for both countries. There is so much beauty, intriguing fashion, and history that left me enamored, so hopefully there will be an opportunity soon to go again and see more of the world in the next year or so.
Now that I am back on the Crystal Avenue, I wanted to have a heart to heart moment with you, the reader. Many of you may not know me in person, but because I feel that you are a friend who I haven’t met yet in person, I wanted to let you all know that the person who I wrote I couldn’t imagine my life without in my previous post back in May, is no longer my partner and it’s okay. As much as you and/or your significant other want your relationship together to work and whatever the reasons may be, sometimes the universe doesn’t align for you both to be together.
Please don’t get him or me wrong. There is a reason why I need to write this hefty blog post and it is not to bash or hurt any party.
No matter where he is in his life, my love for him will always be unconditional and he will always have a piece of my heart. I wish and want him to have all the best in life, cause at the end of the day, he truly deserves all the love and happiness in the world, whether or not he feels like he deserves it or not. He came into my life at the perfect time and took a chance on me. I am so thankful for him and our time together and honestly, that is all I can say.
Now that my journey with him has ended and I am a bit lost, I know I have to continue to move forward and take the days as they come. Thus, I wanted to deviate away from my fashion posts today to reach out to others who may be experiencing a heart break, and are looking for advice as well as some kind of reassurance everything will be okay in the end. Although I don’t know when I will find some normalcy, I am hopeful I will get there one day by writing this post for someone else who may need it too and for my friends who have recently had their hearts broken as well. (Disclaimer: I am not a relationship advice expert or am a certified therapist, so you can take what I say with a grain of salt.)
Below are a few things I have learned to do, to have, or to know while I am mending:
- A support person or group. Whether it is one friend or a handful, it is vital to have individuals who will support you through your toughest times. Be vocal with them on what you need during this time, even if it is to have a friend take you out for some fresh air and company.
- Feel every emotion and don’t suppress any of them. Trust me, I know this is easier said than done, especially if you retract on certain emotions or want to stop feeling a certain way, but know it is okay feel. You are healing and you owe it to yourself to process every emotion you are feeling right now, so you can continue to move forward.
- Don’t beat yourself up too hard and know your worth. You are special and worth more than you think and feel right now.
- It is okay to cry and to cry a lot.
- It is okay to miss your ex and the memories. You can’t expect not to. You opened your heart and your world to someone, and when they are gone, it is challenging to accept the facts and to go on with your life. I hope when you are missing them and the memories, you are going back to point 3 and you come to a realization where the memories and the thought of them won’t hurt you as much and/or will hurt less and less. The relationship between you two was special and as long as you did not regret or take anything for granted, your heart and mind will mend and find peace.
- Everything happens for a reason. I can’t tell you what specific reason because I can’t see into the future, but everything truly does. The reason will reveal itself to you within time.
- Healing your broken heart is a process and will take time, especially if you cared an enormous amount and loved your ex. The healing process cannot happen overnight. Sorry.
- Keep busy. Get back into working out, reconnect with old hobbies or find new ones, and be with loved ones, so you can continue to learn who you are as a person.
- Listen to music. Go and listen to the songs you swore you wouldn’t find yourself crying to because the songs reminds you of them. Go and listen to the songs that tugs at all your heart strings. Go and listen to the songs that give you hope that love it out there for you, because it is. Music has always played a vital role for me in all of life’s lessons. When I am listening to music, I am listening for the song’s soul and it’s entirety: the beat, lyrics, and the melodic tones. Even with foreign music, I am searching for English lyrics to connect myself with. Hence I created a playlist for myself titled "Au Cœur Brisé" and for anyone who wants to feel an array emotions on Spotify. You can start listening now as the playlist is on your right, if you haven't clicked play already.
- Stop yourself from wishful thinking on what you don’t know. This will be more damaging on your healing process than you think. By wishful thinking, you are imposing a thought or belief that honestly may not happen in the end, and you’ll end up more disappointed. Remind yourself, you don’t know what you don’t know.
- You control your mood and aura. If you want to be sad for months, that is okay. If you want to be happy in one moment and disappointed in another, that is also okay. You are in control of your emotions and how you want to react.
- Even though it would be the easiest solution to stop the pain, please don’t give up on love. You are deserving of love, every ounce of it.
- Lastly, the most important love is loving yourself. You have to love yourself first and appreciate everything you are learning about yourself, love, and life as you continue to go on.
A couple years ago, I saw a Wong Fu video titled “After Us.” At the time that I had first watched it, the video didn’t hit home for me as it does now. If none of the tips and recommendations that were mentioned above make you feel better, I would recommend you to watch “After Us”:
Wong Fu does an exceptional job at depicting the stages after a breakup and how in the end, you come out the relationship and the healing process, a new person with a different perspective on life. Everyone has their own pace at each R stage: Reminiscing & Retracting, Release, Rebuilding, and Renewed. One person can stay in the first phase for years, while others can leave and learn through the phase much quicker. The pace doesn’t matter, because healing is not a race. You will heal on your own accord. At the end of the day, the journey is yours. You choose what makes you happy and when you want to be happy again.
Even though I am still healing every single day, my heart and I still have a very long way to go before I open my heart again. However I will continue to stay open to learning about myself, love, and the world. Like I tell all my friends, near or far, I am never too far or busy to talk. If you want to open up to a stranger to alleviate some heartache, please don’t hesitate to cause you are not alone.
I’ll see you soon with new things and adventures on the Crystal Avenue. Thank you for reading and letting me open up to you all. A special thanks to my support group: I couldn't have written any of this without your love, support, and advice. And so, I hope this post was helpful to at least one person out there, and remember, there is always a silver lining.
Photography by Chelle Nguyen